Step by step practical advice to build your child’s self esteem:

Hey, want to make your child feel good about themselves?

Start with validating your children.

When children feel secure and feel they have parental approval their self esteem soars. They are willing to take risks and try many new things. This starts a cycle, they try they do well and will try again with something else.

Play therapy works along these lines.

I was playing ball with my daughter when she mistakenly knocked something down. I was able to respond in many different ways.

I can yell at her.

I can ignore it.

I can acknowledge it.

Yelling would make her uncomfortable and give her the feeling that she did something wrong. It was a mistake and not something she did on purpose. We all make mistakes.

Ignoring her will show her how to bury ones head in sand, not owning up to mistakes and that mistakes are bad and meant to be hidden.

Acknowledging the mistake gives her the tools she will need to prosper among friends and in the workforce. It is OK to make mistakes, we all make them. The important thing is how we deal with the mistakes.

Validating your child’s mistake is important. They may feel upset at themselves or uncomfortable, however if you give them the tools how to deal with the mistake their discomfort is diminished.

Acknowledge children’s emotions:

It is important for children to know that everyone has emotions and it is important to deal with it. When a child feels sad they should embrace it and deal with it. They will learn how to do that when their parents or teachers help them sort through their emotions. they can also learn that when they see an adult dealing with their own emotions.

When given the tools how to deal with discomfort the child feels secure and aware, which in turn helps their self esteem.

When my daughter was starting a new school I had brought her to school the first day.  I saw she felt extremely uncomfortable, I acknowledged her discomfort.

I could have told her-

snap out of it

go play with so and so, she seems sweet

say hello to-

instead I held her hand and said it is OK to feel uncomfortable now. I see you like to hold my hand now. After a good 20 minutes she felt secure knowing that I am there for her and she felt ready to tackle the uncomfortable and the unknown and wen tot greet her new classmates. Had I pushed her right away she would not feel validated and may feel resentment for being pushed, ignored by her parent who is not recognizing her needs.

She knows no matter what I am there for her and understand her needs.

Name the emotion:

Let your child know you get them,that you understand them.

You can say ” I see you are sad now, I see you feel a little bit uncomfortable” Acknowledging emotions makes a child feel better and more at ease with themselves.

Compliment specifics:

When I played ball with my daughter I let her know that she is throwing nice hard balls, her aim is great, etc this gives her the feeling that she can do it.  She knows she is good at this etc and will make her try again and again to continue getting these compliments.

Keep doing this to help build your child and your relationship with your child. When your child has a positive self image and self esteem your relationship with them takes on a whole new level.