Everyone has emotions:
Children are people and they have feelings too.
Many times children have a hard time expressing themselves and may either laugh or cry to let you know how they are feeling.
Expressions on a child’s face can also tell you how they are feeling.
What are Emotions:
What are emotions? How do we feel and express emotions? An emotion is felt when children see or hear something. What they saw or heard gets processes as a thought, which then travels to to their heart (the feelings keeper!) where they feel an emotion. The thought then gets expressed through the face.
The Emotion Route:
Think of it this way. Jane saw her friend fall down on her bike and hurt herself. (saw) First she saw what happened, she thought her friend must have hurt herself ( thought) then she felt her friends pain and felt bad for hr friend and scared (feeling) and only after that did she express that pain and fear by crying out for help and running over to her friend. (express)
Children may be confused and not sure how to deal with their feelings and may be unsure why they feel something
Jane may be now afraid to rider her bike yet cannot share why she is afraid.
She may have a hard time expressing her feelings and fear.
Dealing with emotions:
Children need to be shown that it is normal to express feelings and it is OK to cry. They need to be taught how to manage uncomfortable feelings and calm themselves down.
Teaching children to self soothe and regulate their emotions is important. Self soothe is another term for calming oneself down and relaxing.
After witnessing a distressing incident children may need to self soothe or regulate their influx of thoughts and feelings. They may be confused and scared and not sure how to express that.
Giving children the tools is vital. Share with child options that may help them calm down and relax. Let each child create their own tools, by asking them what will help them best.
I find that having a calm space or quiet corner helps children relax in addition to tools.
Self soothing tips and tools:
- listening to music
- headphones to block out noise and distraction
- reading a book
- taking a drink
- coloring a picture or book
- exerting energy by pushing a wall
- playing with a sensory item- such as a stress ball
- squeezing a doll or soft toy
- playing with sand/ seeds
- closing their eyes
- deep cleansing breathes
- yoga
- taking a walk
- playing a favorite game
The next steps after self regulation:
Once children are shown how to relax they need to be shown the next steps, how to meet their needs and how to rejoin the world.
David got very angry when Josh took his toy and hit him. David’s teacher redirected him to the cozy corner in the classroom where there are pillows, a bean bag, some soft toys and a basket with items that may help a child relax. David went begrudgingly.
After 40 minutes of quiet time David ventured out of the corner and watched his friends play, within a few minutes he was back into the swing of things and playing with his friends.
The teacher noticed that David was playing and seemed to have relaxed and commented to David that he seems to be doing better. She stopped David and told him she is glad that he relaxed and wants t o discuss his behavior. When asked what he thinks went wrong, David mentioned that he should not have hit.
The teacher discussed different options what David can do when he gets upset and reiterated that hitting is not OK and cannot be done.
David has since apologized to his friend.
Even as moms or teachers we can get angry when children do things that we do not want or did not expect.
Taking some time out for ourselves is important.
- Do so by separating yourself from the thing that made you upset
- take a few deep cleansing breathes
- relax by doing something that you find relaxing ( read a quick chapter in the new book)
- and when ready rejoin the world.
When one learns to manage their frustration and anger they are happier people.
Additional tips on helping children deal with emotions:
Reading books on emotions to children helps them relate easily to the characters int he story.
Share with them what the children in the books did and what they can do if they find themselves in such a scenario.
Role playing, modeling and discussing helps ease the children and prepare them for a time they may feel overwhelmed with differnt emotions.
Children may feel fear, anger, worry, sadness or even may become silly or giddy, by teaching them the correct way to deal with all emotions helps them adjust and be content.
When children know that a parent or teacher is there to guide and help them the intensity of the emotion is lessened.