Some talk is cheap…others are not

Look, we all want to build a relationship with our children and students. Talking to them and having great conversations is one way to do so. However, there are many different types of conversation with children and they are not all the same.

Think about it. When you are talking to a child, what are you saying? Are you showing an interest in them? Or are you just telling them what to do? Directing them and telling them what needs to be done is called giving instruction and it is not the same as having a conversation with them. Sure there are times you need to instruct them, such as telling them they have 5 more minutes for play time, however you cannot consider that conversation.

What is conversation:

A conversation is a discussion or free talk. Such as you asking the child something and they responding with the discussion going back and forth.

“Lea, I see you are upset about something, would you like to tell me what it is?”

“David, is making fun of my hair.”

“That does not feel too good, would you like me to give you some suggestions for how to deal with it?”

“Please”

This conversation is a back and forth.

Consider this:

“Rachel, you got 5 more minutes to play” – Rachel, does not have anything to respond to that ( unless she want s to complain!) that is not an opening for conversations.

The Power of Conversations:

Great conversation openers start with questions. Ask children questions starting with what, how, when where and who. Ask open ended questions,that do not allow children to respond with a yes and no. Probe further, show genuine interest, share your thoughts and feelings with them.

Of course there are times when you need to give instructions and telling children your expectations but keep those to a minimum. Most of the time you are talking to children should be conversation. Allow 20% of your time talking to children to be instructions or directions. Make 80% of your conversations with children be actual full conversations.

You will find that your children have a lot to share.

And just a little trick, I cheat. When I do need to tell my children something, I say it in a conversational tone so that it can lead to conversations. Take a look.

Good luck with the talk!