A consistent approach in the running of your home or classroom helps children prepare for the next act. They know what to expect and when to expect it. It enables and gives children the gift of being prepared. Consistency helps children be aware and attuned to their surroundings, thus giving them the key to better behavior.
What does a consistent/ structured day look like?
Supper time is always at 6:00 P.M., this helps the child think that, I do not have to worry if I will go hungry. After dinner is bedtime, I know what to do and what is expected of me. Begging to continue playing is not going to change my schedule, therefore it is not worth pleading for more time.
Why is consistency so important?
- When children know what to expect, they feel calm and in control. When something comes up and there is a change in schedule, children who generally have a consistent schedule tolerate the change better. That is because they can prepare appropriately. A predictable routine helps children rise to meet challenges, it saves them the strength to deal with difficulties, when things to not go as planned.
2. When children feel safe and calm, they can learn and thrive. In addition, children would be willing to take risks, if they are in a supportive environment.
3.. Routines stop fights. When bedtime is same time every time and meal time is same time, every time it reduces confusion and frustration. Children know when they have to go to bed, for it is the same time every night. There is no pushing for another 5 minutes of play or whining why it is so early. Same time every time saves you a fight and results in happier, less whinier children.
Consistency may be difficult:
Consistency is not always easy, children will always try to push boundaries. When parents give in to their child’s demands, children will be encouraged that demanding helps and can get them what they want.
Parents and teachers must remain steadfast in their commitment regarding consistency so that children know that nothing they will do will change a parents mind.
This creates a strong safe net for the child, knowing that the parent or teacher has certain expectations that must be met. Being consistent does not mean being authoritative or demanding, it is being fair and reasonable, while still maintaining limits. When parents or teachers feel it may be beneficial to change some rules or expectations it is important to share with the children why the change is being made.
If dad decided he wants to go shopping one day with Jake instead of Jake going to bed on time dad can say this is a one time exception and Jake’s bedtime did not change.
How to be consistent:
- Have set expectations. A schedule along with times and pictures hanging in the classroom helps children adjust and know what to expect after each activity. Children should know routines at home and what to expect.
- Prioritize on what is important. Do not have a long list of rules or expectations. Choose some things you are not willing to negotiate. Rules at home or in the classroom should be kept to a minimum, yet adhered to ferociously.
Consistency does not only mean timing, it means doing the same thing every time. If a certain behavior results in a consequence, the parent or educator should ensure that the consequence is give every time that behavior happens. Children will learn that this behavior means this consequence.
Consistency helps a child feel in control:
There are so many things going on in a child’s world which they do not have control over. Many people are telling them what to do, how to dress and what to learn. When children are given the gift of a consistent and structured routine, they feel that they know what they can expect and feel a medium of control over their schedule. This helps them feel secure and more trusting.
Children need to feel like they are in control and consistency helps them get there. Just like an adult needs to know what is going and and feel in charge, children need to feel that too.
Why is is that children that have some control in their life is willing to take risks?
Children who know what to expect from their parents or teachers are more likely to take risks.They know what to expect from their parent or teacher and how they will back them and help them. They know what they can expect if they fail and they will know what help they can expect from authority, making the risk feel easy to overcome.
Changes in Routine:
Of course there may be changes to a routine however sharing the change helps the child adapt and transition easily as long as they are aware of it. Telling a child they will not go outside to play if it rains helps them remain calm and feel in control of their daily life. They are prepared for the eventuality that they may not go outside if it rains and it is OK.
How to enforce consistency:
Giving children a heads up about transition helps them feel more in control of the situation. Telling them that clean up will happen shortly helps them mentally prepare for clean up, telling them that bedtime is in 10 minutes and they soon have to come in from outside play they will come in faster had they had the heads up. It puts them in the drivers seat. However just telling them to clean up or come in from outside frustrates them and they feel like they lost control. This may result in them not listening as a parent or teacher would like them to.
What consistency does for you
- Stops the fight- they know what to expect.
- Children know what to expect and can plan for it.
- Children learn to do task themselves- clean up and brushing teeth and manage their time.
- Relationship building- less time is spent on telling children what to do and more time is spent doing with the children