What is Emotional Intelligence?
Simply put emotional intelligence is being smart about ones emotions.
The definition of emotional intelligence is when one can detect and respond appropriately to emotions that we or others around us experience or will experience.
Say, you know not to say something to a friend because you notice they are upset now. You just used your emotional intelligence of acknowledging your friends anger and realizing it is not the right time to say something.
Most of us are used to referring to some as intelligent if they are book smart, they know a lot of things and can learn and pick things up rather quickly. Emotional intelligence is all that just referring about emotions.
Daniel came home from school and noticed that his sister sat glumly in the kitchen, sitting in his chair eating the last snack. Daniel acknowledged his sister was upset, by the look of things and knew not to approach her about sitting in his chair. He was aware how she was feeling by seeing her expression.
Lola has a hard time with math and gets frustrated when the given math homework on a lesson taught that day.
Lola knows that she gets annoyed and nervous when given math assignments. She shared this fear with her teacher who in turn worked with Lola’s mother to prepare her the night before on the lesson being taught that day.
Lola and David are self aware and aware how others feel, they acknowledge emotion and reacts appropriately.
Importance of Emotional Intelligence:
Why is emotional intelligence important?
Emotional intelligence at times helps one go much further than the good old IQ.
Why Emotional Intelligence is so Important:
Impacts relationships- better social skills can relate to others better.
Self motivation to do well- aware of needs, strengths and differences.
Sharpens communication skills- knows when to ask for help.
Manages stress by helping one deal with their emotions right away, instead of burying them.
Emotional intelligence helps respond to challenges.
Lola was nervous before her math test, instead of throwing a tantrum, she acknowledged her feelings, shared them with her parents and tried to some up with a solution to deal with the anxiety and frustration.
Emotional intelligence can be broken down into 5 parts:
- Self Awareness– what you know about yourself and how you will react.
Lola knows that she gets nervous when given math homework, this shows that she is self aware.
2. Self Regulation– how to calm and deal with feelings, not acting on impulse and responding appropriately to emotion.
Lola knows that she has to deal with her anxious feeling to help her feel better and therefore approaches her teacher.
3. Empathy– understanding how others feel.
David acknowledges that his sister is not happy and feels her pain by not bothering her and telling her to get off his chair.
4. Motivation– what to do with ones emotion.
Lola is motivated to do something about her discomfort and seeks help.
David is motivated to let his sister be until she calms down and leaves her alone.
5. Social skills– knowing how ones actions will affect others and responds appropriately.
David knows that telling his sister to get off his chair or to share her snack would just frustrate her more.
Lola knows that no one likes to befriend someone that gets upset frequently and lashes out often.
Easy steps to nurture your child’s EQ:
- Accept and acknowledge emotion-Name the emotion your child is feeling, letting them know it is OK to be upset or sad sometimes.
“Rachel, I see you sad that Lea cannot play with you today.”
2. Empathize emotion– You do not always need to solve the issue at hand, yet when your child sees you emphasizing they feel validated and it is much easier to move one.
“David I see you are upset that your tower fell, that is upsetting.”
3.Respond to emotion appropriately- no shaming and saying one is acting like a baby or this won’t hurt.
Never say, “David you don’t need to cry because your tower fell.” Rather say: ” It really is upsetting that the tower fell, crying sometimes makes us feel better.”
4. Talk about emotions– bring the emotion out to the forefront.
“I notice that you get upset when your tower falls, many people would get frustrated as well.”
5. Problem Solve– What can we do about it?
“What can we do so that your tower should not fall and you should not get so frustrated?”
6. Model– how do you react?
” I got so frustrated today when I left my shopping list at home, I bought whatever I remembered and now I make sure to take a picture of the list as soon as I write things down so that I can have it on my phone.”
7. Toolkit– give them the tools what they can do when they feel a certain emotion- get to know what your child’s preferred way of calming down.
Great Ideas to deal with tough emotions and to calm down.
- soft toys
- books
- music
- cozy corner
- coloring
- exercise
- deep cleaning breathes
- sensory toys
Giving your children and students the skills to help them deal with emotions gives them the key to success.
