We all know interpersonal skills oil the way for success in school, college and in the workforce.

What are interpersonal skills?

Interpersonal skills are known as soft skills or human skills. Interpersonal skills are skills or ways you interact with people. These skills are used when trying to share feelings, thoughts, ideas or meaning. It can be verbal or non verbal.

Think of a time you met a new colleague, friend or new family member. Before they even open their mouth you can have an inkling if you will like them or not. Their smile and wave can elicit feelings of warmth and acceptance. When you meet someone whose arms are crossed, no eye contact you may feel a bit uncomfortable. All this falls under interpersonal skills  and communication skills. Those that know how to interact and build rapport better tend to be more pleasant, smile more and have better interpersonal skills or soft skills.

The reason why these skills are so important, is because we are always interacting, talking, working, playing,  and or conversing with others. If we know the right things to say at the right time, it builds our confidence, relationships and trust in others and in ourselves.

People like to do business with those that are pleasant, trustful, and easy to deal with. A lot of employers look for these skills.  Children who have these skills are always surrounded by friends and company and tend to be better liked by teachers.

Examples of interpersonal skills:

• collaborating
• listening skills
• communication skills – a lot falls under this category, such as how to talk, when to talk, what to say, how to say things- it is an art and science all this!
• negotiation skills
• relationship skills
• emotional awareness also known as emotional intelligence or EQ

We know that interpersonal skills are important for an employee and those often interacting with people, what does a child gain from interpersonal skills?

Giving children the foundation for these skills while they are still young, ensures that it will become second nature to them. Some children may have inborn interpersonal skills while others need to work on them. Whatever the case may be, all children can learn these skills, no matter what their IQ is, social standing or academic performance. Academic performance does not have a say when it comes to interpersonal skills.

Ever heard someone call another street smart? That is what we are talking about! Street smarts help the person walk the streets (the world) successfully while getting to their destination (reach their goals)! When someone has these skills they achieve much more in life than others who do not have these skills.

Humans crave interaction and when the interaction is positive it builds relationships. When relationships are strong, people feel better about themselves, perform better and ultimately succeed far better than those struggling.

Children with these skills have an easier time making friends, have a healthy self esteem and get along with adults and children alike.

Social skills/ interpersonal skills that are important for children and can help navigate the difficult paths of friendship and relationships:

• Communication skills- all kinds
• listening skills
• assertiveness
• learning how to resolve conflict, compromise and negotiate

How can you teach interpersonal skills to children?

So, we all agree that interpersonal skills or soft skills are important and can make a tremendous difference. Parents and teachers help lay the foundation to give the children these skills.

How can parents or teachers help?

Start with the basic interactions. Who do you meet on a daily basis, talk on the phone with? We interact with all kinds of people on a daily basis.

Start from when you visit the grocery store and and then proceed from there. Do you meet anyone there or on your way? How do you talk to people waiting on line? to the cashier? How do you greet the mailman, your neighbors? Children are watching our daily interactions and are taking note how we respond to frustrating situations and solving problems that we encounter on a daily basis. How do we show our gratitude or thank others?

As a teacher in the classroom you can have a subject called social skills to give them the basics they need to interact with others.  As a parent these things come up in day to day living. Take the time to teach and show your children.

1. Talk to your children as you work, allow them to see your inner workings, why you greeted someone, how to answer the phone, how to introduce yourself.
2. Invite friends over for play dates. Give children the tools how to play together, prepare them beforehand and then be on hand in case you are needed. Give them the skills to negotiate and compromise when the children each want to play a different game or want the same toy. Allow children to choose their games or activities, this allows them to become creative, inventive and take the initiative when choosing something to play.

In the classroom it would be great to have a friendship or negotiation corner, this corner allows for two friends to go talk and negotiate over things they both want. At first give children the scripts what to say or options they may want to use when negotiating. Such as when 2 friends are fighting over the same toy they will walk over to the negotiation corner. there they will find place-cards with options that they can choose what to do. these cards each have a picture and words saying what they children can opt too do so that they both can be happy. Cards can say: I will compromise, 10 minutes you 10 minutes me for the toy, trade toys, use a timer, play together etc. These options allow for children to hone their negotiation skills, assert their needs while communicating them and listen to what their friends needs are and settle on a solution.

We have a song going on in the classroom:

“Negotiate, negotiate,

I want to be a great playmate

I will think of you-

you will think of me

we will play together happily,

so let’s go and negotiate.”

3. Read books to your children! Reading helps children relate to the characters in the plot, and understand their needs and wants. When reading books to children, ask questions what will you do?, why ? Why do you think this happened? Let us look at his face to see how he feels… this allows you to teach them to read emotions and how to act upon it.

4. Teach your children conflict resolution skills:

When children are young it is far easier to teach them effective and powerful conflict resolution skills than when they are older.

A. Teach them to read emotion on friend’s faces, and how to respond.

B. Teach children to use their words not their hands or feet. Model how to state their needs and wants using words and then how to negotiate or compromise to get them.

At home when I tell the children to get ready for bed and they are not willing they sometimes will turn to me to ask if I am willing to negotiate their bedtime this time.

C. Guide children to problem solve on their own, start with giving options what they can do and then graduate to allow them to come up with their own solutions.

Signs to look out for if your child needs to build these skills:

Know that the list is not comprehensive and does not include everything, it is here to guide you. Children at times may experience these flags, without it being an issue. If these concerns are pressing always reach out to a professional.

Is your child/ Does your child:

• is your child being bullied or is a bully?
• does your child lack friends, have a hard time making or keeping friends?
• make inappropriate or irrelevant comments
• interrupts conversation
• inappropriate social cues, missing social cues, does not know personal space or is often misunderstanding conversations
• have a hard time keeping up with friends
• act not age appropriate

Giving children these skills is a life long process. Helping them be aware of interpersonal skills by guiding them and modeling for them helps ingrain it. Give them room to practice and use those skills. Have them answer the phone, make some phone calls, greet guests or friends, be a host/hostess. all this gives them the opportunity to put these skills to work and become better and sharper at using their interpersonal skills.