Do you want happy children? What does your discipline look like?

The most acceptable ways to discipline has changed over the past few years. Yes, we all know things have changed. However with much research it has shown that positive behavior directly influences children’s behavior and limits the need for discipline.

How does this work?

Work on respect and trust.

The first step is respect and trust, without it children cannot learn. Children can feel when they are in a safe and nurturing environment. How do you do so? Use positive language, be warm and welcoming, engage in positive communications. When you greet a child warmly at the start or at the end of the day- it shows you care about them. Acknowledge them, use their name, notice something new or different, follow up on a previous conversation- ” so how was your night at Grandmas?”

When you show children you care- you listen to their woes or read a book that interests them it helps build a foundation of trust, respect and care.

Structure and Routine

In addition to a warm atmosphere children need structure and routine. The children should know what to expect at the start of the day. Have a set schedule, of course if things come up and you change something let the children know. Do not think the children will not pick it up! Flexibility is important. However it cannot take away from routine.

Children learn better when there is routine. They know what to expect and are not hit with many surprises along the way. Although there are changes throughout the day and children may get lost and frustrated, parents and teachers should prepare them for it. When teachers or parents prepare the children for transitions or changes, children know what to expect and it makes it easier for them to follow the adults expectations. Before you go outside to play, remind children the outside rules and how we walk in the hallway. This indicates the teacher is aware of problems or issues that can arise yet she is prepared to deal with them.

In addition, it is important for children to know a bit of a time frame. Telling children that they have 5 more minutes to play and then 2 minutes.. helps them realize that play time is almost up.

As a parent before you take your children out for a day trip, reminding them of your expectations can help them try to attain it for they know what you want. Telling a child ” why did you run off?” without them knowing it is dangerous or something that should not be done will cause frustration for you and for them. However if you tell them before you go how you expect them to behave you will nip problems before they happen.

Communicate clear expectations

Once you have the atmosphere and structure you need to communicate your expectations of them. These are your rules. What  should be your rules? Think it through well, let us call them your “musts”. This is what you must have in order to run an efficient classroom or orderly home. Keep  them simple and clear. They can range from-

One person talks at a time to-

we keep our hands and feet to ourselves.

This list of rules should be about 4-5 rules depending on the age group.

Rules should be in a positive manner, such as what we do, not what we don’t do.

Once you have your set of rules, you can expect for them to be broken- aren’t rules meant to be broken? No more! You will need to take the time to reinforce, constantly remind and gently point out and re visit the rules. This is the tough part. That is because you will stick to your rules and ensure that they are followed to a t. In the classroom, I call it transition time, the students are learning what the classroom rules are and are learning that they cannot break them. When a rule is broken that is the perfect time for teachable moments, revisit the rules, reteach if necessary.

Limit your teaching and focus strongly on your classroom routine and rules. This is usually done the first 2-6 weeks of school. However if you missed that don’t fret start now, though beware it might be tougher to emphasize them. Children will not be sure if you will stick to them and they might try to make you break! Be a stickler, for it will make the next few months or years a wonderful time for learning and growth. You will not need to discipline much for you took care of it a while ago!

Acknowledge thoughts or feelings

It is important to remember that children are children. They have thoughts and feelings. When an adult such as a parent or teacher acknowledges their thoughts or feelings it makes children feel empowered and understood. They will feel less inclined to act out for they know that you know they are upset/angry…However it is important to teach children how to deal with their emotions. It is normal to become frustrated and upset at times, however there is a proper way to deal with emotions.

When you show children how you deal with specific emotions, they learn what to do. When you get frustrated that someone did not cap the markers and say- ” Who did not cap the markers? you cannot play with markers anymore this year.” Children see that you can be unreasonable when you get upset. However, when you say something like- ” I am so frustrated that someone forgot to cover the markers and now we have less markers that work. I hope that next time someone will remember to  cover them. My favorite color marker is dry, I guess I will use my second favorite color.” Children note that you named your emotion, dealt with it properly and moved on. You can teach children emotions through various ways such as through puppet play or picture cards.

 

Now how can you enforce the positive behavior that you worked so hard on?

How to Maintain Positive Behavior at home or in the classroom:

Let the children know how they are doing! Are they playing nicely? sharing toys? let them know either through praise or a physical sign such as a high five or thumbs up.

When a child breaks one of the rules there is redirection– remind them the rule and redirect to something positive. such as when you are  reading a book and a child talks disrupting the flow you can remind the rule and say “OK remember rule #1, no talking when someone is talking- let us get back to our book and see what happened to the caterpillar.” This is called redirection you are redirecting the child to the task at hand. They usually do not mean to break a rule or disrupt.

When redirection does not work positive reinforcement might do the task-” I love the way Rachel and Sara are sitting..” Reinforce the positive, bring attention to it.

Some times a child may be acting out if something is bothering him/her, they did not sleep well or something is going on at home. If an unusual behavior is continuing on for more than 2 days, I follow up with the parent to clue in to see what is disturbing the child. At times the structure or set up in the classroom is hard for the child to maintain. Work with the parent to figure out what you can do. Keep track when the disturbing behavior is occurring so that it can give you and the parents an indication of why it might occur.

Tools to help children in the classroom:

• offer children choices, either we can do this or we can do that
• support children- teach them how to regulate emotions and what they can do when they are upset ( cozy corner, quiet time, calm down box)
• focus on positive behavior at home and in the classroom
• when there is a need to discipline, let it make sense to the children such as when markers are not being used properly they will be put on hold.
• develop strategies with the child to help them stay on task, such as a visual cue

 

Work with the parent that your goals and the parent goals are aligned. There should be the same  bedtime goals, responsibility and accountability. This will help the child extend his/her day to their home turf and further his learning and responsibility. Positive behavior guidelines will help you raise happy children.

Best of luck!