Your son comes home in tears and said a boy is bothering him on the bus.Your mind sees a red flashing sign that screams “bullying, be aware!”. Your imaginations goes into overdrive. Is your son being bullied or is it just boys horsing around?
What is bullying?
Bullying is when:
- unwanted or aggressive behavior
- imbalance of power- an advantage over another- good looks, money, physical strength, social power
- happens more than once or likely to happen again
Bullying can happen anywhere and to anyone. Some children are more susceptible to bullying ( learning disabled, looks different, socially awkward ) however being it does not mean it cannot happen to anyone.
Bullying can show up in different ways:
- verbal-saying or writing mean stuff about someone
- social-hurting someones relationships or reputation such as keeping someone separated, not allowing others to befriend them
- physical- physically causing harm or pain to others or to their possessions
Do you think your child was bullied? Ask yourself, was this something that happens often? Were the boys playing or is the other boy older? stronger? more powerful? How was he bothering your son?
Being bullied can have lasting effects and it is important for educators and parents to be aware.
How do we arm ourselves and our students to fight the plague of bullying? The first step is prevention- we got to do something to try to prevent it. The second step is intervention, if bullying occurred it is important to know what to do.
Prevention- How to prevent bullying from happening:
- ensure your child has friends and a social circle- children who are socially disconnected are more vulnerable to be bullied.
- create a warm support group at home and in school with respect to others- have a list of rules and expectations: * how do you expect your students or sibling to behave to one another, * Prep children how to react when they think others are being bullied. * Prevent passive bystanders through education.
- constant adult supervision
- warm and nurturing parent and child interaction so that a child would feel comfortable to share what is going on.
Interventions- What to do when you see bullying happening:
- separate the children
- stay calm and make sure everyone is safe
- check in with the child to see if there was any trauma and need to deal with it
- create a plan
- follow up
DO NOT:
- try to sort out facts at the moment
- ask any bystanders what happened publicly
- talk or question the child or bully publicly
Once everyone is separated you can speak to each child; the bully, victim and bystander individually, get the facts and determine if it is bullying.
If victim is concerned that it will occur again, work with the victim by letting them know how you plan to deal with it and what preventive steps you will take.
Supporting the victim: Practical steps to help your child once they were bullied:
Let us say your child just came home and let you know they had an awful day again because there is a child on the bus who is constantly bothering them and you confirmed that it seems like he is being bullied:
- let them know it is not their fault they are being bullied
- give advice- tell them not to fight back, cry or try to show emotion– this is what the bully wants! It is so very hard! you should help your child by role playing scenarios on how the best way to respond. Never fight back either ask the bully to stop, try to come up with a quick comeback or if they are afraid to respond then just walk away. Work on the child’s confidence to appear assertive and confident as thought he bullying does not bother them.
- If child is afraid to talk back to tell bully to stop then walk away- act brave
- walk with a buddy- try not be by yourself
As a teacher or parent it is important to follow up with student or child. Check in to make sure things are going well.
Once the victim and the bully was dealt with as a teacher you should arm the bystanders and give them support for what they witnessed. Prep them if they were to see bullying again how to respond. Passive bystanders help the bully, let the children know that, prep them how to stand up for the victim and arm them with advice how to stand up to a bully themselves.
“Bullying is not cool nor is nice, stand up for what is right!”